


(Sh)it Happens

by mitslits



Series: Prompts [49]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 12:03:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9384107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitslits/pseuds/mitslits
Summary: Write Hartwin sharing a bath like an old married couple because they are.





	

This had been, without a doubt, one of the most disgusting missions Eggsy had ever been on. Don’t get him wrong, he’s seen some shit. But very, very rarely has he  _ been in _ said shit. It has, in fact, only happened once in his life. 

 

A most unfortunate state of being, all told. 

 

“Merlin,” Eggsy says. He has to wonder if Merlin can even hear him over the sound of his laughter. “Merlin,” he repeats, “fuck you.” 

 

Merlin had to have known that Eggsy was jumping off the bridge not into a truckful of dirt as he had supposed, but a truckful of manure. Had to have. 

 

Eggsy slams his way into his and Harry’s hair. 

 

“Eggsy?” Harry asks, coming into the entryway with a smile on his face. It fades at the expression on Eggsy’s face, and a few seconds later the smell hits him. “What’s happened?” He makes a manful effort not to crinkle his nose, but he can’t help it. Eggsy really does smell horrid. 

 

Eggsy scowls and makes a beeline for the bathroom. “Shit happened.” 

 

Well, Harry can’t argue with that. 

 

There are some clanking sounds from the bathroom before the water starts up. By the time Harry makes his way in Eggsy is already undressed and sinking into the warm water. 

 

“Pardon the expression,” Harry says, leaning in the doorway, “but you don’t look shitty.” 

 

Eggsy glares over at him as he settles back against the edge of the tub. “Showered at HQ. They don’t have bath salts there, though, couldn’t get all the smell off. Speakin’ of.” He nods over towards the cabinet. “Think you could grab some for me?” 

 

Shaking his head in amusement, Harry does as he’s asked. He hunts down the strongest scent they have (‘sea breeze’) and moves over to the tub. 

 

Eggsy’s eyes are closed, head submerged up to chin. He peels one eye open as Harry’s shadow falls over him, holding out his hand for the bottle. “Thanks, luv.” He expects Harry to go about his business, so he’s a bit surprised when Harry produces a washcloth, dipping it in the water, and gesturing for Eggsy to lay back. 

 

“You don’t have to do this,” Eggsy murmurs, but he does as he’s told, resettling against the back of the tub. “I ain’t exactly the most pleasant person to be around right now.” 

 

Harry just laughs slightly, smoothing the cloth over Eggsy’s shoulders. “I think I can handle a little unpleasantness,” he assures him, moving from his shoulders to his arms.    
  
Eggsy’s eyes drift closed as he relaxes into Harry’s touch. “That doesn’t make any sense,” he mutters, but he doesn’t really care. 

 

Harry works his way down Eggsy’s chest, washes his hips, his legs, his feet before he finally sets the cloth aside. He doesn’t stop there, however.

 

Eggsy opens his eyes again to find Harry rubbing shampoo into a lather. He would protest, but… well… Harry’s already poured it out, it would be a shame to waste it now. Instead, he sits back and revels in the sensation of Harry’s fingers gently working the shampoo into his hair. 

 

As the smell fades, so too does Eggsy’s irritation. By the time he ducks his head under to rinse the shampoo out of his hair he’s feeling much more like his old self. “How am I smellin’?” he asks, sticking his arm out for Harry’s inspection. 

 

Harry leans down and inhales, pausing briefly with his eyes narrowed. Then he nods once in satisfaction. “Good enough to share a bed with, at least.” 

 

“Excellent,” Eggsy says, face splitting into a big grin. He pulls the drain, letting the last remnants of that awful mission swirl away. He rubs himself down with a towel, vigorously scrubbing it over his head to dry his hair. “Let’s get to that, then,” Eggsy says once he’s done, tossing the towel aside and wrapping one hand around Harry’s wrist. 

 

One of Harry’s eyebrows lifts slightly. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asks, gesturing with his free hand to Eggsy’s clothes, lying abandoned on the bathroom floor. 

 

“Nah,” Eggsy says with a wink. “I’ve got plans for that bed, and none of them involve clothes.” 

  
Harry laughs fondly. “Then, by all means,” he says, gesturing towards the open door. “Lead the way.” 


End file.
